Thursday, October 10, 2013

The Signs!

Hi friends! Last night I was discussing a very serious situation with a friend of mine. Her family is trying to cope with the tragic passing of her newborn grandson. Though we have discussed this precious angel's passing MANY times before, tears were flooding my face as we discussed how this sweet baby's passing has affected her entire family. I really wanted to tell her that everything would be ok and that, some day soon, this would all be a horrible, distant memory. That's what I WANTED to say. What I had to say was quite different and it broke my heart to tell her so. I could hear the pain in her written words, I could see the hope fading and the comfort she found in some things being thrown to oblivion. I didn't sleep last night as I thought about my friend, her family and their situation. I'm tremendously touched by the strength and support they show for one another.
As the evening wore on and turned to early morning, another friend joined us and we tried to brainstorm, give comfort and be honest about what we thought the next step could be for this family. Somewhere toward the end of this several hour conversation, the subject of signs came up. Signs from our loved ones who are no longer on this earthly plain with us but who still send us messages to let us know they are ok. We were discussing how genuinely we pray for signs from our angels but often feel that our pleadings fall on deaf ears.
I could see myself *almost* 13 years ago in my big, empty house all alone, cuddled up in bed, pillow soaked with tears desperately begging Hunter to show me some sort of sign, any sign at all, that he was safe, warm and happy. As the days turned into weeks, weeks to months...there were no signs. There was just emptiness and loneliness instead. It was like living in a dark, cold, bottomless pit. As my friends and I were discussing signs, I mentioned that I had been begging and pleading for signs for so long that I was missing them. The times when Hunter's Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer music box would begin to play on it's own, the occasions when I felt as if there was someone there with me in an otherwise empty house, the instance when the 'Bright Yellow Savior' (Look to the right to locate this post.) suddenly appeared on the counter in my kitchen, the wreckless decision to drive through a solid red-light at an intersection when there was NO other traffic on the road there in mid-day. Those things WERE my signs. They were the signs that my precious boy was always with me no matter my location, was watching over me and was not only protecting me but others as well because I was too deep in my own grief to think clearly. Of course, some of those choices I deeply regret and am eternally thankful that I didn't hurt anyone else that words can't capture it. Sometimes, in order to see the signs from our loved ones, we need to stop looking and see that which is right in front of us.
So long for now, my friends. Hugs and love always! Khrysti

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